Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The gloves are off

A longer blog will be posted tomorrow since my smartphone can only do so much right now.

But, the gloves are off. I am exposing more of the truth than I ever have before because while the powers that be hover over my life, I am exposing documentation to show the world what has happened, what has been said, what they are ignoring and lying about. I am just done. So done with this fascade. So, please bear with me until I can write it tomorrow morning from a friend's laptop. Much easier and faster.

To give you a preview and reason the gloves are coming off? My scheduled visitation was cancelled because they said I never called the day before to confirm or, although Tmobile called them to confirm the number calked, the time and how long the call lasted. So they cancelled it. So, the dinner my girls and I were planning to cook for our visit? Yep, they got to be told they can't see their mother and the pizza dinner we were going to make? The promise broken through nothing I did. But, still, I promised after my eldest daughter kept asking me last week when she can come home, can she come spend the night with me and then the other two started to get excited that maybe that could happen. I had to break a promise to my beloved girls and it is not even in the zip code of being okay.

But, I am in fucking pissed off land and I and the queen now.

I love each of you dearly, and know I am doing everything I can. Everything. Bit, I am done with this bullshit. They want to hide behind lies? Fine. I will stand proudly with both feel planted ready to expose the ugly truth.

For now I am going to lick my wounds, wipe my tears and get ready for this battle. For my family.

Love to you all.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Silence is a killer...

I can't wait to share my good news with you all.

Tomorrow my eldest starts college and I can't wait to hear about it. I got to hear about my oldest girls' first day of school because for the first time since they started I don't get to be a part of it. I am a part of it by proxy, which is devastating when I let myself think about it. But, I am grateful I got to hear about it. It's little things like that, that keep me going. The little things are all I get right now.

And while great things happened today, a not so great thing happened to. But, hopefully it will be remedied by tomorrow morning. Some of the powers that be are really fantastic and I give credit where credit is due.

Not being able to talk about certain things is hard for me because I am a pretty open, direct and no bullshit person who says what's on my mind. But, I will leave you with this quote that reminds me of the negativity surrounding this whole thing:
"Every piece of this is man's bullshit. They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'shit it's raining." ~ Cold Mountain

But, that being said my quote I live by?

"Life isn't about avoiding the storms; it's about learning to dance in the rain." ~ Vivian Green

I dance today through the sunshine or the rain, but it's my dance, my life, my beloved children. We are not a commodity to make money for agencies. We are a family. They are the loves of my life. So I dance, but I will choose to dance no matter what the weather of life throws at me.

Much light and love to you all.

Good things can happen to good people

I got some of the best news today. Details forthcoming, but the official documents need to be in my hands before I can talk about it. Not to be a tease, just protection until it's official and the ink dries on the paper. So be patient and by the end of the week my mouth will open and the truth will spill from it. Until then love each other and much love from me.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Home, but is it really?

I returned home today, but besides my beloved animals it doesn't feel like home. My home is where my children are. And the house is void of those pieces of my heart. So, after today I get to go dance dome more.

This week is packed, and thank god my lawyer will be back. I am so thankful for this and my number one advocate as far as having a doctorate of the law? Mrs. Anna-Lisa Johanson. We all have much to do.

Also, I came back to check my mail and most of it terrible stuff upon the opening of it. It just didn't get any better. With the exception a gift from my friend Kelly. I can't thank her enough for it, and for everything.

A longer post is coming once I get my bearings and talk to some people that can help me make hell rain upon those who deserve it. For now I need to relax and get ready, mentally and physically.

I hope this finds you all well, and much love from me.

Back to my reality

I am leaving here in about an hour. My heart hurts. This mini vacation was so needed for my sanity and I had to see my doctor, of course. But it has been so relaxing and filled me up with peace and tranquility that I haven't known in weeks.

Being with my family was wonderful, and they have been so great. Being around my son has soothed the ache I feel and have been feeling. Being able to hold him, talk to him and absorb every single thing that's been lacking because he has been away starting his adventure tomorrow in college. As I leave, as it is with all my children, I leave a part of my heart here with him. My children are like pieces of my heart and soul walking around the world and they are the balm to any pain I have, mild or severe. It is so surreal to see my eldest walking around, a full man. A good man at that. A good person with a heart of gold.

I am waiting for his girlfriend to arrive from her drive from her college because he wants me to meet her. Which I am happy to oblige, and then  I will head off back to my house. Empty. Pieces of my heart scattered across the state. And the pieces that are in my body, broken and tattered.

Please, my dearest children, know you are the loves of my life, and while the moments together are fleeting the feeling never waivers, never surrenders and is steadfast.

I love you all so very much. So very much.

I know this post isn't eloquent nor poetic, but there was no editing, no planning - just a mother speaking from her heart.

And much love to you all.

Growing and expanding

I would like to welcome and say "hi" to my expanding readership coming from Russia, Mexico, Iteland and z,Germany. And, of course, all of you from across the US. All are welcome and I am glad to have you visit my blog.